"Agents of chaos cast burning glances at anything or anyone capable of bearing witness to their condition, their fever of /lux et voluptas/. I am awake only in what I love & desire to the point of terror--everything else is just shrouded furniture, quotidian anaesthesia, shit-for-brains, sub-reptilian ennui of totalitarian regimes, banal censorship & useless pain." - Hakim Bey

What I love and desire to the point of terror is... to really, truly communicate. To try describe what I've found... to see if anyone else has seen it too... to explore what any of this is, to ask questions that people seem afraid to ask, even if there are no answers...

What I love and desire to the point of terror is to live my life as awake as I am when I'm here, in this moment. I want every moment to be *this moment*. I want to live my life awake, I want to wake up more, and more, and more, and push myself hard, to keep going, in this direction that I've found.

"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room. " - Waking Life

I've been in life's waiting room for too long. I've been awake long enough to realize I'd been asleep. I want to wake up more. I want to see how far this goes. I want to be with people who want to wake up, as well. I'm alive, and I'm going to die. We're *real*. This is all happening.

I'm starting to take some of what I've found and bring it into myself and I see that I can take the energy from this and direct it and make new patterns, and that making new patterns is why I'm here, and it's what I'm going to do.