I'm sitting here reading news about the "battle for fallujah", and thinking over what just happened with this election... that this man, this man who led our country into a war, and sent our people to die killing poor people who had nothing across the world... based on the outrageous lie that these people had thousands of tons of biological and nuclear weapons they might use against us at any moment... and it turned out none of it was true, at all.. and yet we just reelected these monsters to run out country for 4 more years....

What do you do when things are actually worse than all of your paranoid fantasies? What do you do when you realize that people are so completely brainwashed that they can't perceive reality at all?

I am so at odds with these people I see on tv and read and talk to who voted for this administration again that I don't see how my viewpoint and their viewpoint can coexist in the same universe. They literally do not live in the world that I live in. I feel so at odds with what is happening that the dissonance in my head over it threatens to overwhelm me.

What is happening? How did we get here? I've woken up and now my waking life is a nightmare. The world is run by madmen. People are cheering while they burn the house down. I don't know what to do anymore.

In the movie "Brazil", there is a scene where some people are eating dinner in a fancy restaurant, and there is a terrorist attack at the restaurant that kills a bunch of people. The people just keep eating, and having their dinner conversation, while people who have had their limbs blown off are screaming with agony on the ground. The wait staff, some horribly wounded, struggle out with one of those stand up blinds, that they set up so that the customers don't have to see what's happening, and they just continue to eat and talk.

We're living in that scene in that movie. I find myself in this horrible cycle, where for just a second I feel a little relieved, and start to think "oh man, Brian, you kind of went off the deep end for a minute, with all those paranoid thoughts of how bad things were!", and then I have the horrible re-realization that no, it really is this bad, and this is really happening. I feel nauseous from it all and disoriented. I feel really lost, afraid, and confused. None of this makes any sense to me.